Why Did it Have to Be Me
by LeesaCrakon
Summary: Harry is pressured into revealing the tragic event that was his love affair with Donna Sheridan by Bill and Sam. Mentions alcohol and self deprecation.


A.K.A. Harry gets pressured into revealing the rather tragic event that was his love affair with Donna Sheridan by Bill and Sam. Takes place at Sophie's Party in Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again

* * *

Harry returned to the small table with his drink, along with two more for Bill and Sam, setting them all down carefully before taking his seat. The two other men were laughing, probably having just finished a joke that Harry, unsurprisingly, had been left out of. He most likely wouldn't have laughed anyway, his sense of humor had become quite strange and much harder to please over the years.

"Ah there you are, we were wondering where you'd run off to!" Bill chortled, his already red face the color of cherry from his indulging in the island's fine wines that night. "We were just talking you!" Harry stiffened a bit at that, looking up at his two friends.

"Talking about me? Why would you do that, I'm quite boring," Harry said quickly, looking between the two with a panicked face, making Sam nearly spit up his beer in laughter. "No really, I'm being serious, what could you possibly be talking about me for?" Bill and Sam exchanged a look and set down their drinks respectively, Bill sitting back in his chair while Sam leaned forward, closer to Harry. The man's poor heart was beating a mile a minute. Had he done something wrong? Did they find out some sort of secret (although Harry couldn't quite imagine that being true, he told them everything)? Perhaps they really did find him boring and no longer wanted him to crash their party?

"Well, we just realized, that after all these years you still haven't told us how you met Donna!" Sam explained.

"I mean, we got a bit of an idea when Sophie let us read Donna's journal after she passed, but Sam and I shared everything! You've been holding out on us!" Bill continued. They both looked expectantly at Harry, who just stared back blankly.

"I think the journal provides enough explanation," Harry said softly, getting a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. "I really don't want to-"

"Oh come on! We won't judge you, it can't be that bad!" Bill insisted, scooting his chair so he was closer to Harry. Harry leaned away slightly, wrinkling his nose, only to bump into Sam, who had done the same as their friend. They remained in silence for a full minute, staring intently at the man between them, who squirmed in discomfort.

"Oh my God! Just, back away, please, and maybe if you're nice about it I'll tell you!" Harry finally caved, crossing his arms over his chest. Bill grinned and leaned back. Sam stayed where he was but didn't stare quite so intently. Harry sighed and rubbed his face. He'd really gotten himself into a pickle. "So, where would you like me to start? What it says in the journal or before that?" Sam gave him a confused look.

"Before? I thought Donna met you on the island?" he said. Well, that answered Harry's questions. His lips quirked into a tiny smile as he began his story.

"No, we had met before that, in quite inconvenient circumstances. I was studying in Paris and got locked out of my hotel room in nothing but my knickers and a spare woman's bathrobe-" Bill snorted and Harry gave him a look. "May I continue, please?" Bill smiled sheepishly and nodded, taking another sip of wine. Harry sighed. "When I came downstairs she was behind the counter so of course, I assumed she was a worker there. It was funny, I almost called the police on her."

"How...How is that funny?" Sam asked, confused. Harry chuckled.

"You would've had to have been there to understand..." He looked off wistfully into the crowded party, the memories of their day together swimming around in his mind. "After I got back into my room and put on something more decent, I took her to a Napoleon-themed cafe, her pick not mine," he continued. "I, um, may or may not have asked her to sleep with me as we were ordering our lunch," Harry said slowly. Bill looked like his eyes were about to bug out of his head.

"You asked her to make love to you in the middle of a tacky tourist attraction?!" Bill exclaimed and Sam's horrified expression matched Bill's tone, making Harry rolled his eyes.

"It's not as bad as it sounds! It was quite lovely, and she said yes!" Harry said in a matter-of-fact tone. "I was just so caught up in the moment! We had spent the entire morning touring the city together, and I just..." Harry's voice trailed off. "I had never felt that way about any woman before. My parents tried to pair me off of course, but Donna... there was something about her that was different," he muttered. "It was more than just infatuation. But, as we all know too well, it didn't end on a positive note," Harry finished, his wallet feeling like a heavy weight in his pocket as his mind stirred up the events of the following morning.

"What happened?" Sam asked, looking at his friend in sympathy. Harry could feel his eyes stinging and he quickly rubbed at them.

"She left the next morning before I woke up. I thought that she had just gone out to get something, but then...I found a note." Harry reached into his pocket and pulled his wallet. He took out a folded up piece of paper, torn and yellowed slightly with age, but otherwise still looking fairly well cared for. "I still have it, after all these years..."

 _Dear Harry,_

 _Last night was absolutely wonderful. You're a very special person, and I'm glad I was able to share this time with you, but I was scared that if I stayed any longer it would be too hard for me to get on my train to Greece. Thank you very much for taking me on such a fantastic adventure._

 _Make sure to go on another adventure for me. I can see the spontaneous spirit in you. Let it free, and be yourself. Goodbye._

 _Donna_

Harry folded the letter back up after reading it aloud for the other two and gingerly placed it back in his wallet, trying to ignore the looks of pity that Bill and Sam were giving him.

"Did you go after her?" Bill asked. Harry nodded.

"Of course I went after her. I packed up everything I had brought with me and took the next train to Greece. We'd talked about the island the day before, you see, and the note confirmed she really was going there, so I assumed it was the only logical thing to do." Harry smiled. "And I told myself that I was fulfilling Donna's request and going on an adventure," he said with a slight laugh. "It was the most terrifying thing I had ever done, but I'd known love before and it had never been like this, and I knew I would never find love like that again."

"I thought you said Donna was the only person you ever loved," Sam said, his voice somewhat accusing.

"Well, the only woman, yes," Harry explained. "But you both know about that already, no need to discuss it more. Um...I arrived in Greece about a week later, but I missed the ferry to the island, of course, me being as punctual as ever..."

"Something you and Donna had in common," Bill joked, nudging Harry playfully. Harry sat back in realization, his eyebrows raising before he nodded.

"Yes, I suppose you're right about that. Anyway, the customs officer was gracious enough to tell me my ticket was good for the entire day, and when the ferry returned, I could take to the island. Part of me feels like he fancied me or just pitied me so he fed me a story, but I was able to get on the ferry, which was all that mattered. Almost as soon as I reached the shore, I saw her," Harry continued, his voice becoming more gentle, almost longing. "She looked absolutely beautiful, standing there, I almost couldn't speak. When she saw me the look she gave made me think she was going to run away, but instead, she ran towards me and jumped into my arms. I was glad, part of me had been afraid that she would forget who I was," Harry admitted, tapping his fingers against his glass before he took a drink.

"And, I assume, this is where the journal begins. She took you around the island, yes?" Sam inquired.

"Yes. It's a very lovely island. She borrowed a rowboat from a woman she had met there and she showed me all around. The best part, though, was that evening. She had been performing in a bar, with a couple of friends of hers, you know, Rosie and Tanya, and the bartender saw I brought a guitar with me and asked me to play. We sang together, a love ballad of all things, and the crowd absolutely loved us. They asked me to sing something by myself, and I caved at Donna's insisting, playing something that she'd taught me back in Paris. I think it was called...Thank You for the Music, or something like that. After we performed she took me for a walk on the beach. We laid on a blanket under the stars and looked for constellations, and talked, about anything that came to mind. College, Paris, our terrible parents, anything. I could tell something was wrong, she seemed so much sadder than when I had met her. She didn't feel comfortable sharing, but she was very grateful that I was willing to listen. I was holding her, and then she kissed me, and..."

"Dot dot dot?" Bill said with a smile. Harry chuckled and nodded.

"Dot dot dot. It was even more wonderful than the first time. When I woke up I half expected her to be gone again, but she wasn't, and I felt like my heart would burst," Harry said happily, a full smile gracing his lips before it faded again. "But as all three of us know, things didn't exactly work out in the end."

"What did happen? Why didn't you stay with her?" Sam asked. His tone sounded accusing, and Harry wanted to retort that he hadn't stayed either so he shouldn't talk, but the guilt in the pit of his stomach made him hold his tongue.

"I saw her in the bar with another man about a week later. I had no idea if they were romantically inclined or not, but he was so...handsome. It made me realize that she deserved someone much better than me, someone adventurous and good looking, a man, not a boring English boy who was destined to become a banker," Harry said bitterly. The three men sat in silence and gazed at the dancy party goers, Sophie, and Sky especially, their beautiful daughter and the greatest joy in each of their lives. They each saw themselves in the young couple, and the silence was broken by a sentiment drawn from that.

"I think we all felt that way about Donna," Bill admitted. "She was a wonderful woman, it makes sense that we wouldn't have felt worthy. I only wish that one of us had been man enough to ignore that and stay with her so she didn't have to deal with all that alone," he continued.

"What's done is done, sadly. At least she got her fairytale, white wedding ending. Right, Sam?" Harry said with a smile, patting his friend on the shoulder. Sam smiled in return.

"You're right, I suppose," he said quietly.

Maybe Harry hadn't been Donna's one and only love, as she had been his, but she died happy. That's all he had wanted for her, even if it hadn't been with him. Now though, he had a daughter to care for and a grandchild on the way. Harry wouldn't let her down this time.


End file.
